When Friendships catch fire

The saying “fall in love with your best friend” has led me astray in the past. I've left behind a trail of lost best friends and broken hearts in the name of finding that great love of my life.

I won't blame anyone but myself. 

When I think back to the very idea of 'best friends' I had as a younger woman, I realize that I loved the idea of a best friend more than actually being one. I wanted the fairytale because they say those are the best relationships. 

This thought was fostered by all the high school movies I grew up watching. As I transitioned to adulthood, I never really sought out friendships for the purpose of relationships but I wouldn’t date anyone if we weren’t friends first. 

Some of my more memorable relationships actually started out as friendships as did my memorable heartbreaks. 

In one case, I had tried to transition the friendship into something more only to fail spectacularly. 

I ended up losing the friend and in another case, the friendship went on a hiatus and came back stronger.  Lucky, that one.

In another case, I tried to transition from friendship to a relationship only to discover that a good friend does not a good boyfriend make. I learned from that one that some friends should stay friends. That way you don’t have to look too closely at their bad relationship habits. 

Yes, you don't want to live a life of regret and yes, you want to take a chance on love and explore the what if. But what about the what if not.

Some loves are just better as the platonic kind. 

The reason why this whole falling in love with your bestfriend debacle could possibly get complicated is that friends may be compatible platonically and incompatible romantically. If you are friends, it doesn’t mean both of you are completely ready and willing to tackle extremely important issues that come with a romantic relationship.

I have also had instances where try as I did, I just could not become best friends with my significant other at the time. We just did not have anything in common other than the fact that I "loved" them. A lot of effort went into being 'friends' with them. I had to ask myself this question on numerous occasions: Would I like you as a person if I wasn't dating you?.

What happens when friendships catch fire?. Some burn and crash. Some soar from the ashes.

Imagine becoming best friends with the person whose presence excites you and causes you to light up the moment they look at you?.

I met my husband years before we even got together. Did I know he would end up being the love of my life and my best friend?. No way!

I did find him attractive. He was exactly my type (Tall, swimmer's body, oodles of self-confidence). So in typical fashion, I friend-zoned him.

How do you friend-zone someone you are attracted to? *facepalm*

However, our friendship was not defined by that attraction which to my knowledge was all on my end. In fact, I never thought about it after our first meeting. His character and personality simply overshadowed his good looks until we settled into an easy friendship. He was just such a good person that I would have been friends with him regardless.

It also helped that we were both involved with other people at the time.

By the time we would explore an actual relationship, three years would have elapsed. 

For the first time, I was not jumping the gun. The transition was mutual, almost like we were both just inching our way across that friendship boundary at the same time.

Do you know how awesome it is liking someone who likes you to the same extent and is not afraid to show it? I'm sure you do. It's the best feeling.

No waiting to see who texts first. No mind games. No fear of 'doing too much' or 'showing too much. Energy matched 100%. Scratch that 110% because I am an over-achiever.

Was he my best friend at this point? Heck, no. 

I remember the dinner date that changed everything. It was definitely one of my worst dates ever. First, we had no idea if it was even a date. We had agreed to eat together. The word 'date' was never used but I think the possibility excited both of us.

I got there first and started off ordering cocktails because I was so nervous. I am rarely ever nervous. This time I was because I could feel something was about to change. I have a love-hate relationship with change. I want it but I don't want it. Let's dig deeper into this in another post, shall we?

By the time he arrived, I was two cocktails in and more extraverted. I ordered two more while we chatted. Bad idea as you should never drink on an empty stomach. When dinner finally came, I was faded. 

Dinner was seafood pasta and unless it is a seafood cocktail, you should never have seafood and a cocktail.

I ended up getting sick twice in a bag at our dinner table. Worst night ever.

Our dinner ended immediately. I was so sad that I could not get the good night kiss that I had literally been thinking about since I saw him that night.

He ended up leaving his car behind and driving me home while I sat in the passenger seat and chugged on a bottle of water. He waited with me in my car till I sobered up. Then he kissed me good night.

Remember that scene in Princess Diaries.

Yes, this one.

It may seem silly but this scene has stuck with me. Remember my love for fairytales earlier... remember now?

I did not expect my feet to pop but I do have my own superstition that you always know from the first kiss. That aha moment where your eyes pop open because you did not expect to be hit with all that chemistry. 

Yes, that happened to me.

The falling in love part came soon after.

Culminating in us becoming best friends.

My favorite part of us is how we are not done trying to impress each other. How we acknowledge that good relationships require work.

We are slowly becoming each other's best friends and I would not want it any other way.

Now to end this with some deep food for thought: What if love is not friendship set on fire but friendship is love that is ever burning?

Do you think you need to be best friends before you date someone?

How did you meet your significant other? I love love stories so please share below.