#MeToo #YouToo
#MeToo...the hashtag-turned-movement spread virally in late 2017 following a tweet by Alyssa Milano. Personally I am encouraged by all the attention it has garnered.
What is #MeToo about, you might ask? Well, the movement draws attention to the prevalence of sexual assault and sexual harassment especially in the workplace. So to correct a common misconception, the movement does not focus on assault that occurs only in the workplace, just those that occur mostly in the workplace.
What is sexual assault? This is when a person touches another person without that person's consent, or coerces (maybe even forces) them to engage in a sexual act against their will.
I'm sure we all know what coercion and force mean so I won't bug us with those details.
Now, what is sexual harassment?...Sigh..Now this list is so long I'm just going to put in a link. According to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), everything is sexual harassment it seems.
So how do you know to toe the line? For starters, keep sex out of the workplace. This is exactly why several organisations frown on inter-office relationships (The fear of sexual harassment lawsuits is the beginning of wisdom).
I'm not sure these lawsuits will fly in Nigeria. Sexual assault and sexual harassment are pervasive in our culture. It starts from child abuse, to students been coerced to sleep with their university lecturers to succeed in exams, to adults being coerced to sleep with potential employers just to secure jobs.
Our laws are inadequate and we know that.
Now back to the issue of #MeToo and #YouToo. 1 in 5 women have been assaulted in their lifetime, either once or on multiple occasions. Sadly, like the rest of the world, my statistics focuses on women. What about the men? Did you know that men are assaulted as much as women?
Several male friends and acquaintances have recounted stories to me of losing their virginity to older females under coercion. No one would believe them anyway because they are men and an erection means acquiescence, yes?. No.
Secondly, there have been too many instances of 'The Boy (girl, too) who cried wolf' in the #MeToo saga. Our approach to accusations of sexual assault seems to be "Trust then verify".
Caught up in the movement, several women are stepping forward alleging to being assaulted years ago and the movement has risen up to support them, throwing their assaulters under running carts.
There is no room for their defense you see. Who will listen? I don't support assault or the assaulters mind you. But my question is, where is the room for investigation? How do we verify these allegations?
As a victim myself, I understand the courage involved in stepping up and confessing these traumatic experiences. Sadly, as much as there is good in the world, there is also bad. Let us consider for a second how vengeful people might throw around accusations to implicate their alleged assaulters.
Thirdly, the French women have protested. They like their men with a little bite in them. What we term sexual harassment, they have called flirting. Oh, someone smacked your butt on the street and you don't like it? They want it harder.
Yup, they even penned an open letter. According to them, all the backlash of #MeToo would destroy the libertarian thinking they have fought so hard to obtain, women's bodies and sex would become forbidden territory again introducing a new censorship against the free movement of desire. [culled from: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jan/14/french-feminists-catherine-deneuve-metoo-letter-sexual-harassment]
In simple speak, they don't want men to be afraid to express their desire for them due to a fear of being accused of sexual assault. What do you think?
Even a freedom of expression is limited to the extent that it does not infringe on another human being's basic rights. So whether you are a man, woman or do not identify with either sex, you have no right to touch me sexually against my consent. What is consent? - the voluntary agreement of the person to engage in the sexual activity in question. So does this mean all bus conductors in Lagos have been sexually assaulting us since time immemorial? I guess so.
For us Nigerians however, I fear that we have acquiesced to sexual assault and harassment like we do everything else. It is the norm.
I've been assaulted twice by colleagues. I didn't report them. My excuse was that both cases occurred outside work. What's your excuse?
The first one locked his car and wouldn't let me out unless I gave him a kiss. It resulted in him gripping both my hands as we tousled. The second one was a 'boss' at work and he fondled my boob on a night out while I was driving despite protests from me and no 'signals' whatsoever.
1 in 5 men have been assaulted in their lifetime. A friend of mine had a colleague sit on his lap and rub against his privates until he got an erection, and when he argued that he wasn't interested she pointed to his erection as evidence to the contrary.
Again I say, an erection is not acquiescence.
The #MeToo movement is not gender-specific, or workplace-specific. It is not your means to avenge wrongdoing by accusing people wrongly. Crying rape should not be your first response when a taxi driver takes you to an unknown location.
I strongly empathise with all the victims of rape and sexual assault. We are survivors. We will keep on surviving.
What is sexual assault? This is when a person touches another person without that person's consent, or coerces (maybe even forces) them to engage in a sexual act against their will.
I'm sure we all know what coercion and force mean so I won't bug us with those details.
Now, what is sexual harassment?...Sigh..Now this list is so long I'm just going to put in a link. According to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), everything is sexual harassment it seems.
So how do you know to toe the line? For starters, keep sex out of the workplace. This is exactly why several organisations frown on inter-office relationships (The fear of sexual harassment lawsuits is the beginning of wisdom).
I'm not sure these lawsuits will fly in Nigeria. Sexual assault and sexual harassment are pervasive in our culture. It starts from child abuse, to students been coerced to sleep with their university lecturers to succeed in exams, to adults being coerced to sleep with potential employers just to secure jobs.
Our laws are inadequate and we know that.
Now back to the issue of #MeToo and #YouToo. 1 in 5 women have been assaulted in their lifetime, either once or on multiple occasions. Sadly, like the rest of the world, my statistics focuses on women. What about the men? Did you know that men are assaulted as much as women?
Several male friends and acquaintances have recounted stories to me of losing their virginity to older females under coercion. No one would believe them anyway because they are men and an erection means acquiescence, yes?. No.
Secondly, there have been too many instances of 'The Boy (girl, too) who cried wolf' in the #MeToo saga. Our approach to accusations of sexual assault seems to be "Trust then verify".
Caught up in the movement, several women are stepping forward alleging to being assaulted years ago and the movement has risen up to support them, throwing their assaulters under running carts.
There is no room for their defense you see. Who will listen? I don't support assault or the assaulters mind you. But my question is, where is the room for investigation? How do we verify these allegations?
Thirdly, the French women have protested. They like their men with a little bite in them. What we term sexual harassment, they have called flirting. Oh, someone smacked your butt on the street and you don't like it? They want it harder.
Yup, they even penned an open letter. According to them, all the backlash of #MeToo would destroy the libertarian thinking they have fought so hard to obtain, women's bodies and sex would become forbidden territory again introducing a new censorship against the free movement of desire. [culled from: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jan/14/french-feminists-catherine-deneuve-metoo-letter-sexual-harassment]
In simple speak, they don't want men to be afraid to express their desire for them due to a fear of being accused of sexual assault. What do you think?
Even a freedom of expression is limited to the extent that it does not infringe on another human being's basic rights. So whether you are a man, woman or do not identify with either sex, you have no right to touch me sexually against my consent. What is consent? - the voluntary agreement of the person to engage in the sexual activity in question. So does this mean all bus conductors in Lagos have been sexually assaulting us since time immemorial? I guess so.
For us Nigerians however, I fear that we have acquiesced to sexual assault and harassment like we do everything else. It is the norm.
I've been assaulted twice by colleagues. I didn't report them. My excuse was that both cases occurred outside work. What's your excuse?
The first one locked his car and wouldn't let me out unless I gave him a kiss. It resulted in him gripping both my hands as we tousled. The second one was a 'boss' at work and he fondled my boob on a night out while I was driving despite protests from me and no 'signals' whatsoever.
1 in 5 men have been assaulted in their lifetime. A friend of mine had a colleague sit on his lap and rub against his privates until he got an erection, and when he argued that he wasn't interested she pointed to his erection as evidence to the contrary.
Again I say, an erection is not acquiescence.
The #MeToo movement is not gender-specific, or workplace-specific. It is not your means to avenge wrongdoing by accusing people wrongly. Crying rape should not be your first response when a taxi driver takes you to an unknown location.
I strongly empathise with all the victims of rape and sexual assault. We are survivors. We will keep on surviving.
Comments
Post a Comment