Celibacy: you can’t? Or you won’t?

I remember when I was much younger, determined not to have premarital sex.

I was strong-willed and disciplined. From the onset I made it clear in relationships that there would be no sex. And some were okay with it, or at least they pretended to be. 

I don’t know where that strong-willed and disciplined woman has disappeared to these days. She lost her way somewhere between age 22 and 23.

But she’s on the journey to finding her way back.

I started my celibacy journey about 20 months ago. I wish I could say it has been smooth sailing. 

I’ve had to reset the counter several times. Mostly because I convinced myself in those times of weakness that I couldn’t do it. I joined the Can’t team. 

Sex is so good. Especially when you’re good at it. Why would God make something so decadent and then put it within our reach? (this just brought flashbacks of the Garden of Eden and the forbidden fruit)

I convinced myself that God understood that I was only human and I was weak, I am weak.

So here’s the question I’m asking, is it that I couldn’t do it? Or I wouldn’t do it?

The Bible says that we can do ALL things through Christ.

Not some. ALL.

What’s the big fuss about celibacy anyway? 

1 Corinthians 6:18 says to flee from all sexual immorality as all other sins are committed outside the body but this particular sin is a sin against your own body. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 says it is God’s will for us to avoid sexual immorality and learn to control our bodies in a Way that’s honorable. 

Sex was designed to be enjoyed in marriage so sex outside of marriage is like cheating on your future husband/wife before you’ve even met him/her.

I knew all this. I’m fact I would fall, cry, be depressed, repent and then repeat the cycle. How could something that felt so good be so bad?

I had moments where I was so sure I could do it, it’s not that hard, yes?. But then this ex that used to light me up like gasoline comes back to my life determined to be ‘friends’. You tell yourself you can do it. You’re a grown mid-twenties woman, you have control over your emotional and physical responses. Horseshit!!!

All he has to do is touch that side of your neck. He knows all the right things to do, all the places to touch to make you go...Celi-what?

I got into relationships with people who were not on the same path as myself.

I put myself in precarious situations with friends of the opposite sex. I pretty much set myself up.

I told myself I had boundaries. But if you’re an adrenaline-junkie like myself, pushing boundaries is a hobby. First you say no kissing. Then you say okay kissing but no groping. Then you say groping but upper body only. Girl, you’re doomed to fail from the start. 

I thought I had self-control because as a frequent online shopper, I’ve gotten to the “proceed to checkout” page so many times and still ended up cancelling the order. 

What I failed to understand was that sexual sin is unlike any other sin. Even the Bible mentions it as one of the more difficult sins to quit (lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes and pride of life).

I thought I could do it on my own. Nah. 

We need Jesus for that.

If someone says they don’t mind a relationship with you with no sex...that’s what their mouth is saying but is that what their actions say?. Do they respect your boundaries? Do they seem sexually frustrated around you? Do you fight a lot for no reason?

I thank God for screwing my head on straight. I am working on reinforcing my boundaries with prayer and the Bible. I’m not there yet but I’m not doing this on my own. 

I don’t believe in Can’t. I CAN do this. And so can you.